everybody has one bad year…. everyone has got to have ONE year when nothing seems to go well. that one year is just pure (if not close to) hell…. mine, unfortunately, is this year. i thought year 2003 was bad enough, but welcome 2007 with a BLAST!

but then there’s the saying…. whatever doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger. obviously i wasn’t killed by this year’s turmoils…. am still up, though bruises here and there, but still, i suppose i can embrace life a little stronger.

and again, when God closes a door, He opens a window… i guess one has to just keep persevering till the end, no matter how difficult life can be. we just have to grind our teeth and push through thorn bushes…. it’s almost like now or never kinda thing… i mean it’s either you give up on life or you push on…. no doubt giving up is the easy way out, pushing forward is just pain…. but the latter just trains you and strengthens you to be a better person.

it’s true, is it not? that God let us bear the burdens and sufferings that we can handle ourselves… He will never put on our shoulder something that is too much for us to handle…. and until you really get through life’s trials and obstacles, you will never know what you’re worth of.

it seems that year 2007 had been a damn bad year for me…. just let me list down the few highlights of tragedies i experienced this year:

1st January 2 hours into year 2007, i was almost harrassed. traumatic experience which made me almost peed my pants.

5th March thus the end of my serious, long-term relationship with someone i cared and loved… so much intention put into mending this broken relationship, but to no avail as the other party simply “is exhausted, and refuse to be in a relationship”

12th November got news of grammy’s stroke. grammy was bedridden and paralyzed.

18th November my laptop of 4 years DIED on me, and left me computerless…..

22nd November grammy passed away.

and TODAY 27 November, my beloved, favourite dog, Raffle, age 7, died…. man was i heart broken or what!! Rest in peace, boy, and i always do love you…. mucks.

and seriously, i don’t think i can take any more of foul news. this year just sucks. TOTALLY!!

AAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!! early morning, and guess what?? bad thing happened…. sheesh!!

left my Juvanex bottle on the kitchen’s counter top, and for some reason, it rolled over and fall flat on the kitchen floor…… what’s worse is the glass bottle broke!!! (am at the point of cursing, but thank goodness it’s early morning, and i’m still that blur)…. and i picked it up (it was in a guardian plastic bag so there weren’t any on the floor), and tried to sift through what ever is left… and to my dismay, there are a lot of shattered glass….. not a good idea to reuse it…..

so i’ll have to head back to the pharmacy and get a new bottle…. *sighs* will cost me a bomb too….. feel so much like crying…. *boohoo…boohooo*

and to recap for day one of detox…. except for some mild headaches, a little lathargic, i’m fine throughout…. seems to be going well smoothly…

was online chatting with Phyll on msn, and we ended up discussing bout Heroes… and it moved on to hotties… ok, now i’m totally gaga over Zachary Quinto a.k.a Sylar. i mean he’s obviously the bad guy in the series… and a super bad one…. hmmphhh…. but anyhow, his cuteness prevails…. i mean, how often do you get a villain so darn good looking??? i mean, almost never, right??

but anyhow.. it does brighten my day a lot, and i went online searching for Quinto’s pictures…. and was actually comparing it with Phyll’s Jensen…. OMG!! that is oh-so-high-school-ish…. LOL… it does make me feel like a teen all over again.. looking at stars and comparing who’s cuter who’s not…. LOL… anyways….. off to bed…. but before that, another drooling pic of Quinto

p/s: just for fun, i set up a poll on the side, just to see what readers think bout Quinto’s hotness.

after some thoughts.. i’ve decided to detox… thus, i am following a 7-day program by Juvanex.
throughout these 7 days, i will pretty much be tormented, especially the first 2 days. i wasn’t allowed anything else but fruits (and some seeds)… and day 3 and 4 i will incorporate vege, day 5 and 6 add in skinless chicken and fish, and day 7 add in dairy products.

sounds ok, right? oh well, i don’t know bout that.

today is day one. so far, i have had a huge dose of watermelon for breakfast, a Juvanex drink (which taste disgusting – it’s like a thicker version of NeoCitran… imagine that.. eewwwww), for lunch had a mango, half a guava, and more watermelon…

as for dinner… probably apple and another juvanex drink….

ok…. i shall update my daily process of detoxing… LOL…. and we shall see, if i will ever finally detox. bear in mind, my starting weight is xx kg. hehe

a sunday morning. was supposed to attend church, but due to unforseen circumstances, i was stuck at home. not a very nice feeling, this.

it just seem that now, i desperately need someone to talk to. about what? i don’t know, just talk. i msged a friend or two. oh well, seemed that he/she is busy. didn’t really have time to chat. nevermind… i tried to watch Heroes online, but it seems that connection ain’t that good either.

oh well… i just needed someone to talk to. and i don’t really know what! it seems that there are lots of things that are hidden deep down. things that i have no courage to embrace. i was fearful all along. it was difficult for me to face the worse. things that will cut me scare the crap out of me.

often times i tell myself, just be yourself. but often times i will ask myself, but who am i? it seems i have lost my self identity. what am i? who am i? how am i? it was a struggle at times not to know who you really are.

i used to laugh a lot, that i know. i laugh a lot now, too. but there’s an echo of emptiness in the laughter. oh well….. i suppose one will tell me: time will heal and time will tell. is that so? i am skeptical bout it.

not putting much hope in everything. i suppose things just flow by, and i ain’t putting effort in them either. i was still stuck in the past, thinking maybe if i get out of this place i’d be happier? but again, maybe not. one can’t keep on running away from what haunts one.

i suppose i really want to go somewhere far. the further the better. i have my idealogy. i have my dreams which i once knitted with care and joy. and when your dreams fall apart, your heart breaks into shattered pieces. and it is oh so difficult to yet again put things into place. how do you patch a broken heart together? even if you do, the scar remains, and the pain will linger on.

and when you push on, your hand grasping your already bleeding heart, the pain just get worse. you at times will wonder, if all these are worth it? maybe not, but you’ll never know if you don’t give it a shot.

i don’t really know where i am now. i am grateful that i have a shelter above head, a job that brings food in. but i don’t know if i am happy. things weren’t the same anymore. sometimes i blame my bad year. this is a year which everything goes wrong. nothing had been at all right. crap. it just get me bitter and more bitter.

but what else? do i just accept things as it is? telling myself: oh it’s alright, sh*t happens. get over it and move on. oh yes… moving on.. things are easier said than done. that’s for sure. but really, life ain’t fair at times.. at least i do think so…. but pointless getting all emo over it.

i suppose when i wake up the next day, things will be better? oh well… yet again, maybe not. but who knows….. life is just like a roller coaster. this moment u’re up high in the air, the next you wish you’re never born. but i suppose God gave us the intelligence and strength to pass through days, to learn new things, to screw things up and then patch them up. i suppose human are always strong enough to brace challenges and lemons that life throws at you. hmmm… sometimes it does suck to be the superior species.

oh well, i suppose when one is down with the depressing bug again, few things should be done to get rid of that eerie mood: sleep, watch russell peters on youtube.

there had been a funeral in the family.
we bid grandame goodbye today at 1:00pm.
her smiling face, we shall not forget.
her loving touch, we shall always cherish.
lest we forget, the love we once had,
and will always have.

goodbye, and rest in peace, grandame.. love you lots…. muacks..

Sorrow fills my heart this sad moment, a sorrow that is deep and personal. NEC Versa E600 has silently closed the door of life and departed from me. My life will be empty in the areas that she had brightened for me.

I have known NEC Versa E600 since 2003 when she became my personal computer. NEC Versa E600 was a brilliant, innovative and creative laptop, which spent with me days of sorrows and sleepless nights completing theses and assignments; as well as limitless moments with me chatting on MSN as well as internet surfing. As such, she contributed much to my obtaining a Bachelor’s degree and brigthening my entire four years of university life. She generously gave me her resources,her expertise, her storage spaces, her memory.

NEC Versa E600 was living proof of how fine a portable computer can be. She was a good mp3 player, a good movie player, a good worker. She was also a good friend to me and a great colleague. The character of her non-living life might be summed up in a few words: she was sincere, she was dedicated, she was loyal.

By her death I will miss a laptop who was a genuinely useful and good-looking laptop—one I will miss greatly. My sorrow is lessened only slightly with the comforting thought that I had the privilege to own her.

Adlai Stevenson the US Ambassador to the United Nations (1961-65), once commented about a man and his contribution: “It is not the years in a life that counts; it is the life in the years.” Ladies and Gentlemen, NEC Versa E600 lived. I will miss her. Goodbye, NEC Versa E600.

another sunday, another week. it was inspirational, this morning’s service that is. amazing things happen when one worship in spirit and in truth. not that you see physical miracles in the midst of the meeting (at least not this morning), but you do know there are miracles when the peace swept over your body, and you are at ease and in congruent with your surrounding, with your soul, and with your Lord.

it was phenomenal, especially when the worship leader leads on the following song: Amazed. i felt the peace of God swept me off my feet, and for once, i’m at ease….

i supposed i learnt. learn to leave things as it is. if it’s meant to be, then it will be, no? just that at times, being the very rebellious kid at heart, i do not bend easily….. but one’s gotta to learn things either the easy or the hard way… and me, of course, through the hard way.

anyways… laptop’s still virus infested. hard disk is still dead. will have to wait till i have enough dough to get new external hard disk… only then i can back up my files and then format my computer… hmm…. gadgets can be a pain in the neck a lot of times.. and there’s this irritating pop up telling me i’ve got virus in my system… yes i know…. *sighs*

so another week’s gone…. felt like nothing’s been done, yet…. hmmm…. gotta utilize my time more… should start planning… and saving up, since i’ve got plans for next year, that is….

went for a movie last night: Balls of Fury…. not exactly a good show, but yet, it’s cheaply funny…. so managed to crack some laughs from me…

been wanting to go for another show (since i heard it’s a good one): Stardust… anyone interested?? hmm…. if so, give me a buzz….

just another Friday, thinking of another way of killing Saturday.. LOLs… probably tonight will head up to Borders and get myself another one or 2 of Agatha Christie’s…. i’m such a fanatic over her books…. hmmm… maybe i should join her fan club…

another thingy that i’d been contemplating: should i go Bangkok next month? or just head down to Singapore? hmm…. turns out that my friend will be staying at CenterPoint, which costs a BOMB per night (and if i’m going, it’ll be 2 nights)…. so, instead i was thinking, maybe can head down to Singapore and BUG Kenny n Chyn then?? (what do you think, guys?)

so… that’s probably my biggest dilemma now…. hmmpfff…..

and oh, contemplating whether to have my blog as an open blog, or should i limit my readers to persons i know? any suggestions? cast your vote!!