it’s been a while

it had been a long while since i last see you smile from the bottom of your heart.

your eyes that twinkles with pure joy; and laughter that flows out genuine happiness are no longer evident.

your smile that lights up the whole city (like how taylor swift would put it), i want to see it soon, cause i miss seeing the happy you.

(but really, it kills me to see you sad)

 

bad day

i had a bad day… but i’m not going to sing a sad song just to turn it around..

it’s just not a good day for me…. at all…

shiteous day

perks

i have to say this:

sometimes, being the youngest in the family has its perks. the baby’s usually spoilt rotten by parents and siblings (and if i may add, in laws).

and now i fess up. it’s not that bad being a spoil brat after all. mom and dad and bro & sis in law are the best when it comes to spoiling the little baby that has way past her infancy stage.  thank God for family. thank God my youngest status at home, and thank God that i do not have a younger sibling who’s just as horrible as i am. hah!!

all to you…. i surrender

recently discovered several lovely songs from Jesus Culture.

here’s one of them: I Surrender

secret chamber

i know i’ve got a few password protected posts, and i know some of you were dying to know what i’ve written, or not.

to the selected few i did share out the password as i deemed them trustworthy, or that they really are in my inner most circle.  but of course, only one or two managed to read some of those gems that i’ve written that was somewhat important and personal to me.

but i do feel as though there were some conflicts. this blog is meant for public viewing, and if i protect even a portion of the written posts, it somehow defeat my purpose. but then i understand from my very own point of view that certain issues are best left unknown to the rest of the world.

so, the brilliant me came up with a brilliant idea. ok, well  somewhat brilliant idea. from now on, there will be no protected posts on hanthen.wordpress.com cause all protected posts (which were filed under secret chamber) will be posted on my secret chamber. it is a password protected blog. only invited users are allowed.

i’m sure you know that i am a rather  private person (up to a certain level), and i hope you guys do understand and not get offended if ever i refuse to invite you into my little bubble.  and i do hope that i can clear things up.

with everything

verse 2: break down our pride, and all the walls we’ve built up inside, our earthly crowns and all our desires, we lay at your feet

pre-chorus: let hope rise, and darkness tremble in your holy light, that every eye will see, Jesus our God, great and mighty to be praised

 

 

plunged

with the recent happenings that had never fail to overwhelm me,  i had plunged into another deep, deep pit of emotional instability.

i am not ashamed to acknowledge my lack of emotional quotient in managing my own emotions. i am, as some will put it, rather nervy and have mood swings like a pendulum. in all honesty, i am quite at the lowest of low of my mood. not exactly depressed, no, not quite that. i just can’t seem to pen down how i feel exactly.

it is just that whatever that i was going through the past week, it was like sending myself down the memory vault and staring face to face with what i had always wanted to keep in the closets locked away forever. but sometimes, it just seems that the option isn’t there. i was put in quite a position where experiencing it from a third party’s point of view had quite put myself in the first person context, and dug out some skeletons along the way.

i, as some perhaps noticed, had related myself to the problem (that wasn’t mine) very personally. i know, perhaps due to past experiences, the effect were nonetheless great. however, i had wanted to diminish it to a point that i can completely ignore it. what i want, perhaps, is to erase certain past that i had that i wasn’t exactly proud of, or rather past that is painful to me.

no matter how much one had apologized for the mistake being done, i hope that he’ll understand that no matter how unintentionally the action was, mistakes could never be undone, and the emotional injury caused could never have been removed. i acknowledge the sincerity in the apologies, but i’m afraid once a heart is broken, it takes time to heal.

i’ve forgiven, i have. but let me speak a word of honesty, the pain is still nagging. the scar is still vivid.

p.m.s

i am so emo right now and i blame p.m.s.

monday snooze

instead of having the regular monday blues, i’m getting the snooze bug bites…

blame the few nights of  “sleepless in kuala lumpur” due to extreme high stress, you get a very agitated HanThen who was desperately trying to sleep her way through Sunday night. but the practical joke that was played on moi was that as tired as i was, i can’t even last 5 minutes with both eyes closed.

so… out of desperation, i got no choice but resort to the two little white pills that instantly conked me out within 15 minutes upon ingestion. but there come the consequence: drowsiness and sleepiness….

so here you have it.. a snoozey monday instead of a blue monday… ish… let’s keep fingers crossed that tonight will be a good night (sleep) for me.

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